Luctor et emergo.

"I struggle and emerge."

These thoughts of giving up keep coming back to me. I cannot stand thinking like this. I don't know what it is! I get annoyed at other people because they do not do anything with their lives. Some of my family members, they say they are going to do one thing (to improve their life), but their actions say another. I do not want to end up like that. I am better than that. I have to show everyone that I will be successful. I know I will be successful. I know that anything worth having isn't easy to obtain, nor is it easy to keep. I have to work for everything I want. I know in my heart that I am prepared to work for everything I want, but my mind tells me otherwise. I need to figure things out. At least this last class (which has been causing a lot of stress) will be finished tonight.

Last Friday She surprised me. I come home from work expecting to work on my mother's finances, only to find that they had set me up for a surprise. This past weekend was my birthday weekend and She came all the way up from LA to eat dinner with me and spend time with me. No one has ever done anything like that before. We are not even going out, yet she still took her resources and used them on me to make ME happy for my birthday. We broke up because I didn't make any time for her. I was swallowed by my work and my life was/is in shambles. So I decided to take some time for myself. It had been a couple weeks since I had last talked to her, then I walk into my room after work and there she is! She comes bearing dinner and a gift and her best outfit. I was shocked; I was speechless. I was trying to comprehend the situation. But now I realize there is nothing to think about. She was there because she loves me. Period. There is nothing else to say. And yet, I do not know what to feel. I love Her so much. But there is so much crap in my life I want to deal with first. I NEED to deal with. I am assuming that we are back together. But am I able to not mess it up again?

As for school, again I am thinking about dropping. IT IS SO FRUSTRATING! I feel like giving up. My financial aid is still not in order. I still have two papers to write by tonight. I still have to work on the presentation. I still have to do everything! THERE IS TOO MUCH! I NEED TO QUIT! The fight or flight mentality is taking over; I see this as a situation that I cannot handle so I want to leave it. But like I said, I cannot leave! I need to stick it out. As long as I pass this class, I think I will be okay.

Yesterday at work was pretty decent. I made a good amount of NMS. I still have yet to sell PT. I need to work on that. I had a pretty decent size family come in; memberships and training for all. That would be nice to finish. Unfortunately they have to go home and do calculations which is understandable, yet so frustrating!, because of the fact that I put all my energy into their presentation. Ugh! They said they would come back tomorrow (today), but I do not work today. Hopefully they come back and Scott takes care of them. And hopefully Scott gives me the credit, at least for the parents.
As for AAPL, yesterday was total crap. I think it was in the red by about 3% or so. I stopped looking. I just hope that it will go up to $200. But even then I do not know if I want to take my gains or if I should just stay in for the long run. Maybe in the short term I will take my gains. I have a feeling it will soon go back down because of the slower iPod sales. But I need to do more research. I am also trying to save enough to add a cash account to my portfolio. It will most likely be used for an emergency-only basis; given the reason for starting the account, it will most likely be a MMA. The liquid-type balance seems to give me an advantage over the traditional CODs that I have been utilizing. With the MMAs, I am able to use the money if I need it. Unfortunately though, the rates are much lower. But again, it is mainly just used for emergencies.

Here I am again, postponing my tasks to a later time, only to stress me out even more tonight. I have a feeling I am going to go crazy today. Hopefully I can make it through the day. I need to do the papers, the presentation, and I would like to work out. On top of that, I have to eat. I will only leave the house to work out. Other than that, I am here until the start of class, which is roughly 1800. It is going to be a long day.